Perspective

This is a picture of me and my ex-husband.  While this blog is public, it is very personal to me.

It is my personal experiences with my marriage and the aftermath of divorce that I draw my perspective from as I learn about successful marriages.  When I see this image, I long for a happier healthier relationship with my ex-husband.  I know that we can share this kind of joy as brothers and sisters in Christ just as siblings do.  He feels very much a part of me, just like an immediate family member.  Unfortunately right now, I can't relate to his perspective and therefore it feels like dealing with a pesky little brother.  I guess that would make me the mean bossy older sister!  And I am pretty certain that is exactly how he feels.

According to Gottman, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, we must “remember that all experience is subjective... Each of your perceptions is equally valid.  So your aim isn’t to persuade or to debate whose perceptions were more accurate.  Instead your goal is to gain greater understanding of each other’s subjective reality...” (pg. 188).

I have a favorite quote that hangs on the center of my entry wall which states, "We are all just walking each other home."  I love this quote along with another which states that "If you judge people, you have no time to love them."  I can feel how much judging and criticism I hold in this relationship.  It is my goal to find opportunities to serve my ex-husband so that I can have more love for him.  

The teachings of Dr. Goddard in Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, can apply to all relationships not just marriage.  In chapter 6 we learn about the law of consecration, which is what true disciples do, to "consecrate our time, talents, strength, property, and money for the upbuilding of the kingdom of God on this earth and the establishment of Zion."  The fundamentals of this principle are that the more we give our lives to God, the more He makes of them for the benefit of all.

I know that I have been nit-picking, I have been holding back waiting for my ex-husband to do his part in repairing the damage that has been done to our eternal family.  I never lived like this in my marriage, I was always one to give whole-heartedly!  I feel a renewed commitment to have faith in God and to go forward doing good works, not counting the cost.  I am searching to slow down in this process and find peace.  It isn't a race home to see who is the winner, "we are all just walking each other home."  This image conjures up feelings of walking slowly talking with a best friend, headed for the same destination together! "When we have the mind of Christ, there is no one we cannot fully love nor gladly serve" pg. 106.  This is my perspective!